Sunday, September 9, 2007
Women's Compact Instruction Manual!!
1. Never do housework. No man ever loved a woman because the house was spotless.
2. Remember: you are known by the idiot you accompany.
3. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
5. So many men - so many reasons not to date any of them.
6. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.
7. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
9. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.
10. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
11. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
12. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
13. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
14. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
15. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
16. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
17. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
18. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
19. Sadly, all men are created equal.
20. When he asks you if he's your first date, tell him "You may be, you look familiar."
2. Remember: you are known by the idiot you accompany.
3. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
5. So many men - so many reasons not to date any of them.
6. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.
7. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
9. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.
10. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
11. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
12. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
13. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
14. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
15. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
16. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
17. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
18. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
19. Sadly, all men are created equal.
20. When he asks you if he's your first date, tell him "You may be, you look familiar."
HE V/S SHE ... JUST READ AND ENJOY ...
Boy : Hi!didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Girl : Must've been once.I never make the same mistake twice!!!
Boy : May I have the pleasure of this dance?
Girl : No,I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
Boy : How did you get to be so beautiful?
Girl : I must've been given your share!!!
Boy : Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Girl : It's hot!!!
Boy : I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
Girl : Okay,but would you stay there?
Boy : Will you come out with me this Saturday?
Girl : Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
Boy : Your face must turn a few heads!
Girl : And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!
Boy : Go on ,don't be shy.Ask me out!
Girl : Okay,get out!!!
Boy : I think I could make you very happy
Girl : Why,are you leaving?
Boy : What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
Girl : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
Boy : Can I have your name?
Girl : why,don't you already have one?
Boy : Shall we go and see a film?
Girl : I've already seen it!!!
Boy : Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
Girl : Nah,it was plain bad luck!!!
Boy : You know I can't seem to get your face out of my mind.
Girl : Wow really, I have a similar problem I cant seem to get you out of my face!!!
Boy : When I look at your face, I can't hold my self down..
Girl : And when I look at your face I can't seem to keep my food down!
Boy : You know when they made u they must have broken the mold.
Girl : Yeah and when they were making you must have leaked out of your mold!!
Boy : Roses are red, Violets are blue, could there be anyone as beautiful as you?
Girl : Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm sure there's no-one as ugly as you!
Boy : Did you miss me while I was away??
Girl : Were you away??
Boy : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
Girl : What time was it??
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
Boy : I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
Girl : I'm a plastic surgeon .I've been looking for a face like yours!!!
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
Boy : Say you love me! Say you love me!
Girl : You love me...
Boy : When we get engaged will you give me a ring??
Girl : Sure, what's your phone number??
Girl : Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so Overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour..
Boy : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...
Boy : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
Girl : Don't you ever want to improve??
Boy : Do you have a phone number I can reach you on?
Girl : Sorry, telephones are against my religion!!!
Boy : Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Girl : Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Boy : Is this seat empty?
Girl : Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Boy : I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Girl : It's in the phone book.
Boy : But I don't know your name.
Girl : That's in the phone book too.
Boy : Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Girl : Do not Enter
Boy : I know how to please a woman.
Girl : Then please leave me alone.
Boy : I want to give myself to you.
Girl : Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Boy : Your body is like a temple
Girl : Sorry, there are no services today.
Boy : I hope you didn't hurt yourself when fell to earth from heaven.
Girl : No, but it looks like you landed on your face!
Boy : Phoebe says I'm pretty. Rachael says I'm ugly. What do u think, Monica?
Girl: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girl : Must've been once.I never make the same mistake twice!!!
Boy : May I have the pleasure of this dance?
Girl : No,I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
Boy : How did you get to be so beautiful?
Girl : I must've been given your share!!!
Boy : Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Girl : It's hot!!!
Boy : I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
Girl : Okay,but would you stay there?
Boy : Will you come out with me this Saturday?
Girl : Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
Boy : Your face must turn a few heads!
Girl : And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!
Boy : Go on ,don't be shy.Ask me out!
Girl : Okay,get out!!!
Boy : I think I could make you very happy
Girl : Why,are you leaving?
Boy : What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
Girl : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
Boy : Can I have your name?
Girl : why,don't you already have one?
Boy : Shall we go and see a film?
Girl : I've already seen it!!!
Boy : Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
Girl : Nah,it was plain bad luck!!!
Boy : You know I can't seem to get your face out of my mind.
Girl : Wow really, I have a similar problem I cant seem to get you out of my face!!!
Boy : When I look at your face, I can't hold my self down..
Girl : And when I look at your face I can't seem to keep my food down!
Boy : You know when they made u they must have broken the mold.
Girl : Yeah and when they were making you must have leaked out of your mold!!
Boy : Roses are red, Violets are blue, could there be anyone as beautiful as you?
Girl : Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm sure there's no-one as ugly as you!
Boy : Did you miss me while I was away??
Girl : Were you away??
Boy : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
Girl : What time was it??
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
Boy : I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
Girl : I'm a plastic surgeon .I've been looking for a face like yours!!!
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
Boy : Say you love me! Say you love me!
Girl : You love me...
Boy : When we get engaged will you give me a ring??
Girl : Sure, what's your phone number??
Girl : Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so Overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour..
Boy : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...
Boy : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
Girl : Don't you ever want to improve??
Boy : Do you have a phone number I can reach you on?
Girl : Sorry, telephones are against my religion!!!
Boy : Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Girl : Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Boy : Is this seat empty?
Girl : Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Boy : I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Girl : It's in the phone book.
Boy : But I don't know your name.
Girl : That's in the phone book too.
Boy : Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Girl : Do not Enter
Boy : I know how to please a woman.
Girl : Then please leave me alone.
Boy : I want to give myself to you.
Girl : Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Boy : Your body is like a temple
Girl : Sorry, there are no services today.
Boy : I hope you didn't hurt yourself when fell to earth from heaven.
Girl : No, but it looks like you landed on your face!
Boy : Phoebe says I'm pretty. Rachael says I'm ugly. What do u think, Monica?
Girl: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Tips to protect from Abductions- A new increading crime!!
Because of recent abductions in daylight hours,refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation... This is for you, and for you to share with your family members, kith and kin, everyone you know.
After reading these 9 crucial tips , forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.
1 . Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans.
If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM . Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Pepole have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun (or any weapon)to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it ... As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
5 . A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor , and in the back seat B..) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door ... Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. C..) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably ! in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP . It may get you killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. (Also for males)
************* Here it is *******
9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."
After reading these 9 crucial tips , forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.
1 . Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans.
If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM . Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
4. Pepole have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun (or any weapon)to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it ... As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.
5 . A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor , and in the back seat B..) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door ... Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. C..) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)
6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)
7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably ! in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP . It may get you killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. (Also for males)
************* Here it is *******
9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door."
Legal or Logical or Otherwise
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization ", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal? "
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical"
"From the smallest necessity to the highest religious abstraction, from the wheel to the skyscraper, everything we are and everything we have comes from one attribute of man -- the function of his reasoning mind.”-Ayn Rand
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
